spring of life

"It is impossible for us to make the duties of our lot minister to our sanctification without a habit of devout fellowship with God. This is the spring of our life, and strength of it. It is prayer, meditation, and converse with God, that refreshes, restores, and renews the temper of our minds at all times, under all trials, after all conflicts with the world. By this contact with the world unseen we receive continual accesses of strength. Without his healing and refreshing of spirit, duties grow to be burdens, the events of life chafe our temper, employments lower the tone of our minds, and we become fretful, irritable, and impatient."

H.E. Manning


"Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart." Col. 4:2

7 candles!!!!!!!

in review

The past ten days have fairly bulged with events! Ayisha started kindergarten last Monday and was tickled about it all! I had to let her habilitation worker go, however, (STRESSFUL) and got to see the Lord provide a highly capable replacement who also happens to be an old friend of mine. In the meantime Manda had a painful tooth extraction. Remember the scooter accident of a couple months ago? Well, apparently the impact killed one of her teeth, which caused and infection, abscess, the whole works. On the ride home Manda moaned, "This is the worst thing that has happened to me in my WHOLE LIFE!!!, then,"Can I get in your bed when I get home?" There is just somethin about mom and dad coziness.

Ayisha turned seven yesterday. We celebrated Saturday with a proper party reminiscent of her favorite Milly-Molly-Mandy story with a princess twist. Friends, young and old(er) came over for a high pitched swim, spoon and egg race, Cinderella pinata and barbecue a la americana.

As if on cue, she did something yesterday (her actual birthday) she has NEVER done before. Drum roll please....she walked WITHOUT her walker ACROSS THE ROOM to her sister! It was momentous! There were cheers, high fives. Loud Hugging! And she practiced all day. Yep, she did.

Since the week-end, we've been plagued with scratchy throat, runny nose blues. Still we have completed our adoption dossier! Whahoo!

This evening I have a beautiful vase filled with green, yellow and pink flowers in my kitchen. They were brought home by my dear husband. A gift in remembrance of our firstborn. We had moist eyes and lumps in our throats all through dinner.

Life is full! God is good.

sieve brain

Yesterday, after a quiet afternoon, family dinner and a monsoon walk, it casually dawned on me that I had forgotten something! Oh! Ayisha's *mandatory* kindergarten orientation! I panicked, called her teacher at home (who wasn't there because she was still at the school) and rambled on to her poor husband about my state of utter mortification! He promised to jot it down, "Okay, I'll give her the message". "You are mortified," he says.

The thing is, I had NO EXCUSE! For the past several days I had been reminding myself of this meeting. I had it plastered across my calendar, I had a list a questions to ask and it simply slips my mind?! Is this early onset of Alzheimer's? I have had a lot on my mind lately, I guess. The truck load of adoption paperwork has been gnawing at me. They need to be completed THIS WEEK. Steve and I have been working on finishing and mailing all four thousand camp images. I have been meeting with Ayisha's new habilitation worker (I am making efforts to demonstrate the delicate balance between facilitating Ayisha's independence and providing necessary assistance). Contracts have needed signed, paperwork filled out, instructions clearly communicated. She will be Ayisha's personal aid during her half days at school. All the curriculum for Emma and Amanda has arrived and we have begun our school routines. Still, Ayisha needs school clothes, new shoes, etc, etc... But then everyone has lists of things that need accomplished, deadlines to meet. WHY, oh WHY is it that everyone else in the world has it together? (Please do ignore the unbecoming whine!)

I take half a day, HALF OF A DAY to cuddle with the kids, to revel in a cooler than usual evening, and I COMPLETELY brain dump an important meeting?! Good thing I am not a surgeon or anything! "Oops, forgot your brain surgery today, Sorry!"

I spoke with Ayisha's teacher this morning and she was tremendously gracious, of course. Then I had a conversation with Genevieve, who is awaiting more results on Tuesday about her thyroid cancer. It's a fresh breeze talking to her. So I forgot school orientation, so what! I DID enjoy my husband and children AND ate cake to boot! I will try to remember to check my calendar SEVERAL times a day, to sticky notes onto my FOREHEAD, to take my baking soda drink (1/2 tsp. in a glass of water is supposed to do wonders for clearing brain "fog". Don't laugh.), but all things considered, OH WELL! Life goes on, right? Right.

recipe for a sweet afternoon

1) three fascinating little girls to chat with

2) a slice of marbled yogurt cake (improperly marbled, if you are me ;)

3) a cup of lovely hot tea

Once the cake is eaten, the tea drunk, race to the couch to catch an episode of Little
House! Scrunch together, breath deeply and enjoy every second.

dragons&fairies

The girls created fantastical creatures this morning to the carefree tunes of Elizabeth Mitchell (a fave around here). How cute are these?

baked oats

We tried my friend Dani's baked oatmeal recipe this morning for breakfast. It was perfectly suited to an overcast, drizzly day.
Here it is:

1 c. oil (I used apple sauce)

3 eggs

3/4 c. honey

2 1/4 c. milk (Dani uses soy milk)

4 1/2 tsp. baking powder

6 c. oats

pinch of salt

1 tsp. cinnamon (optional)


Mix ingredients together in a large bowl and pour into greased 9x13. Bake approx. 30 minutes (until a toothpick comes out fairly clean).

We topped ours with maple syrup and cream. Dani likes hers with pecans and melted butter. Try it! You'll like it!

my hero

I snapped this photo while relaxing on a boat with friends. Steve was steering and I
thought he had a "Master and Commander" look. Don't you think?

sisters

Two of my favorite people came over today for a mini shoot (and snacks, of course). Em is college bound NEXT WEEK (unbelievable!) and needed a handful of pics with her sis to brighten dorm walls.We raced around the house from window to window acting positively ridiculous! Such fun!

great find (thanks Nichole!)

Thanks to my neighbor friend's great eye, I got a new baking center for my kitchen! The old piece was unusual put a bit too rustic (like don't run your hand across it or you'll get blisters, rustic). The girls are regular sous chefs these days and I was needing a little breathing room while wielding dangerous weapons! As you may be aware, we have had our own "series of unfortunate events" related to digit removal in our family. Refraining from such opportunities only seems wise! So my neighbor, an avid bargain shopper, ran across this dark brown buffet (with great lines) for fifty bucks at Goodwill! Can you believe it?! Anyway, I bought it, painted and distressed it (actually the girls happily did that part) then had it topped with marble. Serendipitously, I found a remnant of Vermont white marble at a stone yard down the street. It turns out that the ambassador to India was building a house in the valley (heaven knows why) and had shipped crate loads of the stuff for his humble abode. I purchased a flawless remnant for a song! Yippee!

summer fun

More to come soon...

seasons

The following is a portion of a letter I wrote to my friend Gen (who was also Caleb's nurse while in Minnesota). I find that I finally did express myself a little so thought I'd copy it here.


"I have been struggling with what to share on my blog. Last week while organizing all the school materials I came across all the leaves for fall. Placing them in a small basket I felt like weeping. Just like that. One minute fine, the next unraveled. Pushing it back, I kept working until about two in the morning. A couple of hours later Ayisha had a really out of control seizure. I couldn't go to the hospital. I just looked at Steve and asked him to go. I was too tired and triggered. I knew I needed to stay back to catch my breath. I was actually scared to go to the hospital, which hasn't happened in a while. We've been there plenty since Caleb died. After several hours I drove over with Emma and Amanda so Steve could come home (he'd then take the twins). By that point Ayisha had woken up and was able to drink and eat a few bites. The doctor said she didn't need to stay overnight! HUGE relief! Steve decided to stick around until they discharged (which rolled into four hours of course). We all grabbed root beers, piled on the bed and " cushy" vinyl chairs and watched two movies! It was actually fun! Thank you Lord! I really needed that one.

After six years you'd think I would be prepared. Every time we near autumn my inner being knows. Caleb's beautiful birth. His tiny white body. October's transplant, his two black eyes. The shimmering gold, reflecting glory only possible in death. Red maples and my son's blood. No platelet count. Every year it hits me anew. This is the hardest season. Maybe harder than spring. I don't know. I can feel it in my bones even when I don't think about it.

I have realized that I feel very private about some of this. And I think it has to do with wounds from people during the early grieving process. I have to double check and see if it is bitterness or unforgiveness. I think it is simply protection. I used to share on Caleb's site but can't seem to do it anymore. Maybe it is a season of my life, I'm not sure. I just feel silent. Strange, huh?

I haven't been too depressed or anything. In fact I am enjoying my days immensely. Amanda taught me how to do a front flip off the diving board today! Booya! And I had fun taking Ayisha down the big slide over and over again! We baked banana bread today and slopped up Brazilian black bean stew! We are having great, hilarious, profound conversations and I am trying to really listen."

I've found that summers offer a reprieve of sorts when it comes to the currents of grief. The searing beauty of Minnesota's seasons have been engraved into my inner fabric. Winter's snow illustrates widespread grace, a beautiful covering of the pain and ugliness. The gift of His Son. Fall is synonymous with death of life, life in death. Then spring. The valley of the shadow and the beginning of a long wait -- a hope to come. The magnificence of Easter. Life springs anew.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

ordered chaos

Haven't had much to say lately. Not because nothing has been going on but because I've been engrossed in the stuff of life!

Some days I've tackled well my run on list of things to do before school begins. I've also sorted images for the camp, ordered curriculum, chipped away at adoption paperwork,and made crafts with the girls. Other days have been spent pleasantly swimming and playing. Ever since last Thursday, though, I have obsessed with organizing our house, even if I didn't quite set out to tame the beast to begin with. My original intent was simply to clean out the school room and library!

If you were to stop by right now you'd think I'd foraged through each nook-n-cranny, promptly catapulting all our earthly belongings into the center of each room! And you'd be right! Why is it that when you start to organize one space, you go to another and realize that it needs organized as well?! Before you know it the entire house is overturned in an effort to create order? I'm sure you systems people out there (you know who you are) think I'm nuts in my inefficiency but hey, there's a method to my madness. I'm just not sure what it is yet! :)

On another note, Ayisha had a seizure yesterday morning that was not responsive to the medication we usually give her. She was transported to the hospital where the staff also had a difficult time stopping it. A significant dose of Adavan finally did the trick, knocking her out for several hours. She was transferred to ICU to be monitored until she awoke and could keep down food and drink. We were thankful that she was well enough to come home last night even if she is noticeably out of it! When Steve carried her to the bathroom yesterday evening she blurted out, "Thank you for saving my life, Daddy!" Then broke out in giggles! She's not stable enough to walk or even crawl today and her eyes are half shut but she still comes up with hilarious phrases and cracks herself (and the rest of us) up! What a character! I love that I can and do learn so much from my little ones! Ayisha embodies pluck. She teaches me perseverance every day just by placing one braced foot in front of the other.

delicious

"What a delicious day!", said Emma at the dinner table. It's
a good thing my children like fruit since that is mostly what
we ate today! It was MUCH too hot to cook so we picked up fresh
baguettes, and ate them topped with cheese and fig jam. Strawberries,
blueberries and mangos on the side. Yum.

"If I were a king, I would have mangos every day!" (Emma, while savoring the
last bite of mango).

a sweet reunion

Hello everyone! We pulled in early Sunday morning from an amazing two weeks in California. Two whole weeks with precious friends AND no cooking or clean up! That's my kind of vacation!

We spent a week enjoying family camp at Forrest Home with the Sterners, some of our dearest friend since college days. Our kids hadn't seen each other since Caleb went to be with the Lord, six years ago, yet were inseparable within minutes!

Then Kevin and I went "to work" for the camp for several days. As the branding consultant for the camp, Kevin has been revamping the camps marketing materials. I was hired as a photographer for the new brochures and website material he will be putting together. Camp Forrest Home is an amazing place, full of deep heritage, and touching stories. Surrounding the family camp, they run high school, jr. high, and children's camp simultaneously. Needless to say, we were busy but had a blast!

After ten days on the camp property, we (Sterners and Glovers) piled in our vans, listening to musicals all the way to Hunnington Beach where we hung out for another couple of days! I had to pinch myself at the delight of it all...late night chats, card games, body surfing with our kids, laughing until we couldn't breathe....

And now today, I am 35 years old! Thirty five! Oh my goodness, next year I will be closer to forty than thirty! Eek! Oh, well! My friend Diane told me when I turned thirty that the thirties would be great -- freeing and full. I totally agree. I thank the Lord for one more year and pray that this year I will grow in maturity, bearing much fruit, to His glory. I am thankful for those of you who are in my life, you are gifts from above!

Well, my little girls have been giggling behind closed doors, making handmade presents for their mama. I just have to go peek...