Friday, March 16, 2012

assurance

{A moss covered plum tree dips blushing blossoms outside our picture window.}


A couple of things have been needling me since I shared the story of my faith in crisis (here). There is, as there always is, a broader scope to the story but things can only be written by bits, as I have time and brain space. Grace transformed me during that time in a way that eludes my attempts to tell. In retrospect, I view the timing of that spiritual free fall as His kindness because it was during a season of safety, when Caleb was still well and before stronger torrents. That slippery mire of despair and doubt His hand rescued me from? Well, it was over. Settled. Not that I wouldn't ,or don't, wrestle with trusting Him but it was as if He reassured my spirit with a rainbow of promise that I would never again be at that place of extreme doubt. No matter how dark the valley, how crippling the hardship, I would not suffer such disbelief. Not because I am faithful, but because He is. And throughout Caleb's great suffering, in my grief, and amidst all other trials, faith remains. God is profoundly good.


In a different post I wrote that He does not give us a stone for bread as we ask of Him. When the answer feels and seems to me very much a stone, I can know there is a more real knowledge that Christ Himself is my bread. He answers with Himself. Poured out, broken, and risen. This is how the gospel goes deeper and deeper into my soul. From impossible stone to living Bread. No pat answer, but a Person. I AM. I don't need to understand, I worship. His beauty, so ravishing, makes even rocks cry out.

4 comments:

Naomi said...

I love the reminder you give, that when the answer feels or seems like a stone...so true. Our Bread it beyond that...
I love your honesty in all of this. It is deeply encouraging to me on so many levels...

Anonymous said...

Thanks Amy for these beautiful thoughts that remind me of an awesome God who truly is faithful in all things.

Adela

Erin said...

Yes, and Amen. Beautiful thoughts.

I love the photo. Our apricot tree is blooming and I took photos yesterday, very much wanting what is in your photo, but lacking the skill to capture it.

Enjoy your weekito with your familito.

tonia said...

So beautiful and true. I am so grateful when I meet other hearts who have known faith-pain and have come through. You bless me.